why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
