I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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