Screwed.edu
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
