I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
