You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
