a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
