i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
