I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
