Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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