Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She told me I should be a condom model.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
