i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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