I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
