Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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