I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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