btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
