i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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