just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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