you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
