Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
