I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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