ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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