i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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