Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
