Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
