Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
