Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
it glows. i had to have it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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