Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
