The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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