I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
