So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
