So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
