His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
