false alarm. still invincible.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
