Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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