its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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