Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
