i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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