Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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