That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
