based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
