apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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