Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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