hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
