Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
