why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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