What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
