I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
