I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
