thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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