cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just gargled with NyQuil
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
