I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
