Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
