you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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