I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just had sex bonerless
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
