at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
