Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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