Fuck appropriateness.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
