Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
